Everyone is affected by change. The level of change can be from something simple to something extremely large. For example, you could make a small change like walking over your lunch hour everyday at work. This simple change can help boost your mood, reduce your stress levels, and contributes to your overall health. Yet somedays it may be cold, it's raining, or you have a headache. Some days, making that change is something you struggle to actually make happen. You realize all the benefits of change but struggle because our nature is to combat change. We are creatures of habit and change steamrolls our lives in little to very big ways.
Then they are the big changes. The ones that knock you over and you don't see coming. We have had more of those kind of changes in our lives than the average person. We hope that our stories help others but let me tell you these changes have not been easy. We still struggle with them daily. My husband in particular stews on change every minute, hour, day and week at a time. I've definitley learned to weather change better than him. Matt & I both dealt with spouses who decided to buy rundown acreages. Thankfully my first husband knew better than to spend that kind of money without my consent. Our acreage was only $35k while Matt's ex spent over $200k. Al and I had ourselves better setup financially. Although it didn't mean I was thrilled about it. We lived in our house while fixing up this acreage he had bought. I was working tax season and thought his looney toon idea was something that would at least keep him busy rather than sitting around and watching TV all day. It actually worked out in the end. We had built up enough equity in that house to afford invitro which Al told me I only get the one chance to do. Thankfully God blessed us with twins out of it, so for me that change worked out to be good. Not the same experiene for Matt, his ex-wife bought their acreage on auction without even having the downpayment figured out. Matt worked day and night to get a roof on that acreage as it leaked everywhere and they were not able to afford both houses so they were forced to live in the acreage she had bought. This change for him, amongst many other things, ended up in divorce, which in turn brought even more change.
One of my largest changes came from losing my first husband, the twins father, as he passed unexpectedly. That one knocked the wind out of my sails and I was in a fog for several months. There are still moments now that I can't fathom just how much our life has "changed". Four years seems like a short amount of time but let me tell you A LOT of change can happen in four years. We fixed up the house in the first year post loss. It was still difficult to live in a small town and have all those memories surrounding you. It was also hard to go anywhere and everyone giving you that sorrowful look. As hard as it was to lose Al, I didn't want to constantly live in sorrow or dwell in it. I had two amazing littles that needed their momma so we tried our best to live life and enjoy it! A year after losing him, I made the decision to move somewhere not so rural. Then I met Matt and the rest is another beautiful story. So change although hard can be good.
Matt's big change came with divorce. He struggled extremely hard because let's face it, he is not a fan of change. He likes to have control and when there are things he can't control, it consumes him. He is a family man and it hurt to see his family destroyed. The marriage was doomed from the get go. He goes back and forth with himself on whether he should have left after the boys were born but in the end he stayed for his boys and she asked for the divorce. Although he knew before his first marriage that marrying her wasn't in his best interest but his oldest was already on the way so he made a commitment to his kids. The divorce ended up being what was best and although the change was hard on his boys, it actually turned out well for him.
Neither of us handled our changes the best. We both definitely tried our best but I'm positive there are many mistakes made along the way. I've found with large changes such as these that writing/journaling has been my best outlet to embrace the change. I don't dwell on fixing it or reversing it. I have learned to let change happen. I will always want to do more but I don't have that control nor do I need it. Change is scary in the beginning, hard in the middle, but beautiful in the end.
How do you handle change? What has helped you to cope? We are weathering one of our biggest storms to date as a couple and I don't know exactly what we are doing or what will come out of it. It is extremely challenging circumstance and we will share more on that as it develops. For right now, we are letting God take the wheel and pray that he surrounds all of us with his love.
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