Everyone has a different idea of how to parent their kids. Many books on parenting and styles exist in today's world. Every generation brings about various changes to the way we parent. Matt and I realized from the beginning that our parenting styles are very different. We both care significantly about raising good humans and always try to learn good ways to do that. We are always trying to better ourselves by reading books and articles, listening to other's experiences, or just trusting each other and keeping our minds open.
When I first met Matt, it was a little over a year after the death of the twin's father. My circumstances before that death forced me not to have as much time at home with the twins as their father did, so after his death, I cut back on work and worked part-time. This was for many reasons, but mainly for the twins to help them know that I was there and was always going to be. My role as a mother was not only to be the caretaker but also the disciplinarian as well. My late husband was a good father; however, he tended to the baby and spoiled the twins much more than I did. One of those examples would be the fact he let them have unlimited screen time. I started noticing their little attitudes changing and researching why that was happening. To find out they were spending several hours on YouTube. Once I told Al that wasn't allowed anymore cause I was tired of bossy, cranky, disrespectful little turds, they got so much better. Needless to say, the death of their father turned me a little more soft than usual, and I let the twins walk all over me a bit there in the last year. My good friend also pointed that out to me, which was hard to hear, but doing it all by myself, I was just happy we were all breathing at that point. Haha.
Matt raised his two boys very differently. His oldest always recalls the iron-fist approach but knew his dad was trying his best for them and just trying to make them good young men. His youngest was very different, and future stories will delve into that aspect of our blended family and parenting styles.
When Matt and I brought the kids together, I realized I'm much more lenient on some things. He is much more iron fist, and I'm more well you learn from your mistakes. We've found that our parenting styles balance each other well. When I don't want to pick the battle of vegetables, Matt steps up and ensures the kids finish their plates. No different than Matt dealing with teenagers, I've helped him to understand that kids will make their mistakes and let them be teenagers sometimes. I've also found we are different in many other ways, like how I prefer a clean towel when drying dishes, and Matt, along with his boys, grabs the nearest one. Then there's the toilet seat, I grew up always having the men put the toilet seat down. Matt and his boys tease me about those things, but we have different views and have tried to learn a way to respect each other on those views. We've found a decent balance, and as long as we remember to keep our communication open with each other, we don't run into any arguments.
That being said, joining a family where kids have been raised differently has been challenging. Let alone the peanut gallery giving their two cents to fill the kids' heads with nonsense on how they feel things should be done.
It is very challenging, but we lean into each other, try to listen and keep our minds open. We love our kids so much, which is evident to everyone around us. We will continue to do our best and always desire to learn and grow in our own ways.
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