Never in a thousand years did I think I would be 40 years old and dipping my foot into the dating pool. After my first husband passed unexpectedly, I didn't think I wanted to meet anyone let alone have a relationship. After about a year of loneliness, the widowfire I had heard of in my various widow FB groups crept in. I found myself looking at various dating websites thinking about diving into the world of dating. Which one should I use? Why am I doing this? Am I sure? It was a good distraction from the overwhelming change in life that had just happened but there was this overwhelming since of guilt. I had been with my late husband for 20 years and 28 days when he had passed away. I was 19 when I met him and 39 when he passed away unexpectedly. Dating was completely foreign to me. I didn't do much dating in my younger years, what the hell was I doing? Yet there I found myself setting up a profile. It wasn't too long before I started having lots of likes. It was a decent ego boost that I kinda needed at that point in my life. After several months of dating and meeting up with men, it happened, the unexpected. I couldn't believe it! I had met the guy for dinner. He seemed like a decent guy and the date was ok but he had said he wasn't really interested due to the distance between us. The next day he reached out again which I thought was odd since he said he wasn't interested. He text maybe I can stop by sometime when I'm in town and then it came. I had heard of it but after 5 months of dating I had been lucky enough to avoid receiving one. He sent my very first unsolicited dick pic. OUT of nowhere! I sent it immediatley to my best friend. Then a later outing with my old friends where we passed my phone around the table and got a good laugh. What the hell am I doing?! Why is this my life? What are men thinking when they send those things? After that I kinda backed off the whole dating sites as the selection of men had gotten worse and not only photos but videos were being sent. Sorry, call me a little bit old school but that was not me. I was still somewhat dating but not really trying. I had kinda given up on any hope for a future with someone. Regardless, I had a major surgery coming up so I figured I'd sign up for FB dating to have someone to chat with while I recovered. I remember receiving the like from Matt. He was handsome, looked like a down to earth type of guy but he just didn't look happy. In all of his pictures, there was this sadness that he portrayed. There was one picture where he gave this lil smirk and I was intrigued. I finally clicked like after what he said felt like forever (it was maybe 1-2 days). We instantly connected. The ease of talking to him was unlike anything I had experienced. We hadn't even met yet and I was already smitten with him. He warned me that we were hooked from the get go but after several months of dating websites and horrible experiences I wasn't convinced. My surgery was scheduled on a Tuesday. It was down by where he lived (2 hours away) so I brought up the idea to go on our first date the Monday before my surgery. We will have to share that first date experience in another post. All I can say is the moment my eyes met his, my heart was no longer mine. My heart though fragile belongs to him. God willing I will never have to experience the world of dating again!