It was a lonely night in the Pfeiffer men's household, or more so mine and my son's bachelor pad, as most of the furniture had moved out of the house with my ex; however, we had what we needed, which left us with some empty rooms one being the primary living room. We boys decided to move in a pin pong table to occupy ourselves through the winter months as I am not a huge fan of sitting in front of the TV.
As we played ping pong after dinner, my youngest son piped up, saying, "Dad, aren't you ready to start dating yet?" That is a slap in the face nearing 40 when your son asks you that. At that point, I hadn't thought about when I would be ready to start dating after the divorce. I had always thought about it and envisioned my "perfect" what I wanted from life, what I wanted from my future partner, but I hadn't put a timeline on it. I even spent many evenings wishing on the perfect crescent moon, drinking a beer, dreaming of what could be, and wondering what life could be like.
After some consideration the following week while the boys were at their mom's, I gave it careful consideration, knowing, or at least thinking I knew, that what I wanted could never come into my life. I may spend years looking and waiting; if nothing else, I may make new friends. At that time, I created an online profile on Facebook and Tinder. WHOA, what a blessing and terror that turned out to be. I first noticed that I was not smiling or happy in every recent picture of myself. How does this happen to oneself? How do you get there without even realizing that pure misery has crept into your heart and soul? (I will eventually cover this in another post.)
Secondly, I realized the sure diversity of women looking into the pool of single men from so many different walks of life to those only looking for hookups, sugar daddies, gold diggers, etc. I thought to myself, this is going to take a lot of work moving forward. My experience was that Tinder was a complete waste of time as I was not looking for an easy hookup but something so much more real. I was looking for a pure relationship with a god-fearing, compassionate, family-encased, huge-hearted, with the most blessed soul a person could ever ask for, and not only that, but one that ticked off every item in the looks, bedroom, etc. department as well. Only a little to ask for, right? After the first day and 10 conversations with some of the already dwindled prospects. I was starting to lose hope quickly, knowing that I told myself I would only be on that site during the weeks I didn't have my boys.
I persisted. By the third or fourth day, after some 50 conversations and several "drinks," an ad stuck out to me; it wasn't like the others. It had honesty, integrity, exact wants, a picture of her kids, and blue eyes that reached into your soul like the ocean. I eagerly swiped and messaged, hoping for a response.
After two days, I finally got an answer: YAY!!! Our banter was perfect; texting, messaging, goals, dreams, and
wants all aligned. As I cautiously approached and looked for every red flag to avoid being sold on an imperfect life, this might be a sense of relationship possibility. Then she asked for a phone call... I was frozen; I wasn't ready for that. Why didn't I ask? Oh boy...Yikes... That's the next step.
So I called, and she answered, and within the first 10 words of her beautiful, compassionate, and loving voice, I knew we would be married. In those 30 seconds, I had already figured out her intentions were real; her goals, dreams, wants from life, things needed from a partner and father, and what she wanted to provide in all those relationships had all aligned with exactly what I was looking for myself, and my sons.
During the next week of conversations, we talked for hours until midnight or even later, sometimes with me so tired I would fall asleep with her still on the other end of the phone. It all felt so natural, so much like home.
At the time, Katie was living in Pierce, Nebraska, and Yankton, Sd. She had planned to come to Lincoln for surgery and asked about meeting for a first date. I was so nervous, excited, worried, and blessed. We decided to meet at my house and then plan a date. With no actual plans, our afternoon and evening unfolded into a unique first date, from snuggles to going out for an early dinner to yet so romantic changing her Suburban oil. (so romantic, right!) There may have been some dancing around the shop with endless talking and a giant woodstove to make the evening seem magical. However, how we endlessly flowed, working together and deciding together, made it magical and the best evening I could have ever asked for!
I am blessed every day for her swiping like on Facebook dating, coming into our lives, and teaching me different ways in the world. What she brought to the table is a love I have not felt before, along with the patience, family, care, and steadfast devotion she brings to our world.
I am even more indebted to her for this because little did we know at that time that I wasn't quite ready for dating, I wasn't still in love with anyone else, I wasn't still hopeful of anyone else, I couldn't have asked for anything better to come along and meet, yet alone so soon. Several red flags could have sent her looking for someone else, but I am 100% grateful she stuck by my side to coach, show, and lead me into a better life I never even dreamed of.
